“Cheer up and dry your damp eyes and tell me when it rains And I’ll blend up that rainbow above you and shoot it through your veins Cuz your heart has a lack of color and we should’ve known That we’d grow up sooner or later cuz we wasted all our free time alone”
I guess for me, the feelings of loneliness perpetuates permanently (like that alliteration, yeah? ;D). Like, for those of you who don’t know, I have issues expressing myself. I don’t cry, and I don’t really let things get to me on a deeper level. I was reading one of the blogs Francis recommended about dating, and how you have to completely give yourself to another person, and I realized that I can’t do that. I just can’t trust anyone completely enough to do something like that, haha. I guess I can’t let go of myself. For all of my confidence, I’m just really insecure inside. It kind of goes along with why I try to hard to get everyone to like me. Like, I never belonged anywhere, until recently. I was always the outcast, the awkward one, the “asian” one, the weird one, the one who would always try to fit in and be as cool as anyone or everyone else. So what’s wrong with people wanting to like you, right? and then maybe one day, I’ll find someone who I actually want to let myself go for; the friends that will last me forever (i’m sure i have some already), or things like that. Just need that first person to break me.
Really fun! hanging out with the people that I don’t see as much anymore, and hanging out with Magee and Paul! :D! it was nice hanging out with everyone. I seem to have more time lately, so I can hang out more! :)! things are starting to sloooow down! which is good, haha. i need more rest. x] bboying looks really fun, haha. I want to be on a hip hop crew! need to keep practicing a lotlotlot. :D! it’s fun, too! performance tomorrow, i’m excited, haha.
I’ve always thought that having a comfortable atmosphere would help you get along with people. Like, everyone wants to hang out with people who make them feel welcomed, right? Maybe that’s why I like the tumblr interface a lot better than blogspot’s. I’m starting to have more time to hang out with friends, it’s pretty nice! :)! lately, i’ve been believing that I can do anything I want to, aslong as I try, (within the obvious limits of course). I really like the song Rainbow Veins. (heard on Kathy’s tumblr) x]. I guess it hasn’t really hit me that we’ll all be going to college soon. but hanging out with the people on the day of the sleepover made me realize that I’m never going to get these moments back again. Like, I won’t be seeing these people, we won’t be out of high school, we’ll never get the summer back. It just makes me sad. Like, you can tell yourself as many times as you want to keep living it up, but it’s still sad that we have the ability to see into the future and realize that we’ll never get these experiences again. So, I guess I want to make the best of it, but at the same time, never forget, and always come back and hang out with people again! :D!